What Does Porn Mean To You?
BY KRISTEN WILDER & LELANDA RANDLE
During the early stages of this piece, as co-writers, we defined the purpose of this article: to address the many misguided preconceptions surrounding porn that are especially harmful towards individuals who don’t identify as heterosexual cis men. The American porn industry often caters to a heterosexual, cis, male viewer as seen through the prevalence of heterosexual pornography focused on the woman’s body. This accounts for a lack in variety and preference-based content for those who identify differently, including heterosexual, cis women and members of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Our original plan was to interview women with different sexual orientations, but we quickly decided to expand our pool of interviewees to include all sexual identities. We created a space for comfortable discussion, enabling a wide range of people with diverse sexual desires and experiences to open up about their own sexuality. - Kristen Wilder, Lelandra Randle WUSTL ‘20 WHAT DOES PORN MEAN TO YOU? We asked Wash U students this question in a variety of forms as a means to start a conversation about sexual preferences. From a relatively small pool of interviewees, we gathered anecdotes that gave us insight into the realm of choices individuals make while selecting porn. We saw that, in an environment where discussions of porn, sex, sexual desires, etc. are encouraged, many people are open to sharing intimate aspects of their own sexual experiences. “Men and weird fetishes” - Anonymous, heterosexual woman “I personally don’t have a preference for porn. I have never felt the need to watch porn, and I don’t find it appealing. When I hear the word porn, I think of men and weird fetishes. Essentially all porn is made for men, and the preferences of women aren’t taken into consideration. Maybe if there was more porn for women, I would be interested in it.” “Heterosexual women watch gay porn too" - Anonymous, homosexual man “Talking about porn doesn’t make me uncomfortable. I watch a lot of gay porn. I think a lot of heterosexual women watch gay porn too. I don’t think lesbians watch lesbian porn because they believe it fetishizes them, and it turns their sexual orientation into something that is sexualized.” “Sometimes I have a desire to see a woman get fucked” - Anonymous, homosexual man “I started watching porn in 5th grade. I usually watch porn on Pornhub but will use porn tumblrs and porn subreddits as warm up. When it’s game time I need the actual video so I rely on Pornhub. I’m into amateur/homemade porn that you find on Tumblr. I like porn that involves role playing, like teacher-student, prison sex, cop-arrestee scenarios. I mostly watch man on man porn but sometimes I watch heterosexual porn. Sometimes I have a desire to see a woman get fucked. I seek out exhibitionism videos, choking and age play. [For age play], I usually watch videos with a young twink (a scrawny skinny stereotypical gay guy) and an older guy. I actually watched girl on girl [porn] when I was trying to figure out my sexuality. I’d watch straight porn to justify even though I was only looking at the guy.” “A bear, muscular guy and a twink” - Anonymous, homosexual man “I started watching exciting videos with guys flexing or showing off their muscles in 6th grade [on YouTube]. I watch porn but not as much now that I have a boyfriend. I mostly watch on Pornhub and other mainstream sites because they have everything; there’s more selection. When I first started [masturbating] I would read a lot of sexual stories. I mostly always watch gay porn; usually with at least one bigger guy. But usually with a bear, muscular guy and a twink. I have a preference for bigger guys, with a muscular frame. I’m into verbal sex, but not super aggressive. I love communication. My major kinks are scratching and biting though.” “I’d never do that in reality” - Anonymous, homosexual man “[I] started watching porn in 6th grade. I saw gay porn on Tumblr and then just zoomed in. I don’t watch much porn anymore but if I do it’s on Redtub or Pornhub in that order. I used to watch straight and lesbian porn because I used to date a girl. But then [I] switched to gay porn. I’m into muscular dad’s and porn [involving] a big age gap, like a 40 year old man and a 19 year old man but I would never do this in life. I had a short stint with [porn that had] fucking machines and glory holes but I’d never do that in reality.” “Straight to sex or a blow job” - Anonymous, heterosexual woman “I started watching porn in 9th grade. I usually watch it on Pornhub because I like production company level romance and more passionate love. I like categories [such as] romance, passionate love, and sensual massage. I often watch lesbian porn because it focuses more on pleasing the girl since it’s more sensual when they go down on a girl. A lot of straight porn is way too fast, it’s like straight to sex or a blow job. There’s no foreplay which I don’t like. When I see a blow job, I just think like that doesn’t turn me on. I don’t like watching anal. I prefer watching staged porn and don’t usually watch homemade, low quality videos because it’s too raunchy. It doesn’t turn me on.” “The illusion of perfection in porn” - Anonymous, lesbian woman “[When I think of porn,] I think of fetishes and unrealistic standards. Talking about it does make me uncomfortable, but I still try to be open about it. I wish that porn wasn't mostly for the male gaze, specifically that lesbian porn was made for lesbians, and not men who fetishize girl on girl. In general, I wish porn were a more realistic depiction of the sex that people not in the porn industry are having, and that it fetishized certain identities less. I think that people posting their own porn is a good alternative because it's much more realistic and less staged. However, I am also drawn into the illusion of perfection in porn so it may be harder for me to be as turned on by something much more raw.” “Latex, skin tight clothes, and bondage" - Anonymous, heterosexual man “I started masturbating freshman year of high school and would look at pictures because it allowed for creativity, I could imagine a scenario. Some of the camera angles [in porn videos] are questionable so just looking at an image allows me to use my imagination. [Now], I usually watch porn through Pornhub because there are so many videos and options to choose from. I need a story when I watch porn, I don’t want to just jump into watching intense sex. Some of my fetishes [when watching porn] are when girls wear latex and skin tight clothes and I’m into bondage; like rope and stuff. I don’t like super intense bondage because I don’t want to watch someone in pain or cause someone pain.” “I like girl-oriented porn” - Anonymous, heterosexual woman “I started watching porn in college. I could typically watch porn as a starter and then not watch anything after and still be turned on. I don’t watch the whole video usually because I think it’s hard for your imagination to fill in the gaps when you watch the whole thing. I like more romantic or girl-oriented porn, whether it's lesbian porn or porn that focuses on the woman’s pleasure in general. A lot of the time the way porn is filmed is focused on the girl. It’s like the girl and the penis, and there’s very little focus on men’s bodies in comparison.” “I’m into some gentle restraint” - Anonymous, bisexual woman “When I first started watching porn, I would watch softcore porn on YouTube. Now, I usually watch Pornhub videos on my phone. I mostly watch lesbian porn but sometimes I’ll watch gentle straight porn. I don’t like to watch porn that involves a guy just jack-rabbiting; I can’t relate to that. I’m into some gentle restraint but not super intense BDSM kinks. I usually just stick to watching the same thing but different scenes from the same video. If it’s a long video, I’ll watch a few minutes or so and then go back to it next time.” ----- Throughout our interviews, we observed how open people became once we initiated a conversation about something that is typically never talked about. With this article, we embrace the idea that being able to discuss sex openly will foster an environment where people are comfortable in exploring and expressing their sexual preferences and desires. Normalizing conversations about porn can enable individuals to overcome the stigma that surrounds sex positivity. Normalizing these discussions could also lead to changes in the culture of porn, leading to the creation of porn that caters to a more diverse audience. Hopefully, this article is a starting point in normalizing conversations about pornography and making sex positivity more inclusive of all sexual orientations, genders, and sexual preferences. |