Sex Toy ReviewBY JOANNA CHEN
Damn y’all. Let me start off this review by saying that the process to getting a sex toy was a struggle. I almost ordered one with my Amazon Prime account, but I remembered just in the nick of time that my entire family would see the purchase. Out of commitment to this article, I convinced my friends to drive with me to Patricia’s- a store in downtown St. Louis that sells sex toys. Alas, I didn’t have appropriate ID with me so I wasn’t even allowed into the shop. I waited outside like a CHILD after I was turned away. My roommate had the power and made the executive decision to buy the wildest vibrator ever. Moral of the story, bring your ID with you to sex shops.
This particular vibrator had 3 interchangeable heads: a normal looking round cover, a weird flap, and 2 protruding probes that supposedly “hug your clit.” The latter two heads still scare me. Immediately after we brought back our newfound toys, my floor discovered that the rabbit head not only hugs your clit, but also is really affective at targeting your temple and back knots- talk about versatility… My newest acquisition died of overuse within the first 3 days. #1 WEIRD FLICKER There are 2 parts to this head- one side is a wild thin flap that when turned on, looks like it could cut through butter and I am forever terrified that I will end up in the ER trying to explain how I cut open my body with a sex toy. Attempt at your own peril- I couldn’t make it. The other side is a smaller version of the plain round head and wow, 20/10 would recommend. This is the type of scientific advancement that makes the world seem right again and humanity kind and wonderful. It is targeted and will make you reach orgasm city in seconds flat. What guy can say the same? Literally no one- they are lying if they do. #2 ROUND HEAD This is your standard, vanilla, non-threatening vibrator head that everyone and their mothers use. It works fine but I use it as a back massager because I am broke and my body is also broke. #3 RABBIT EARS It could be the middle of the day and you could be thinking of war and sad puppies and still orgasm in 5 seconds. I have never been more shook in my entire life and honestly feel slightly violated. Is it possible to be jealous of a sex toy? I wish I were as efficient in life as this vibrator is. It looks like a torture device, I had no autonomy, but I fear and love it. 10/10. In essence, if you are a modern woman on the go who doesn’t have time for anything, please invest in this cheap $25 life-changing device. Technology rocks. |