How to Have Better Oral Sex
BY ANONYMOUS, CLASS OF 2018
As a peer sexual health educator (PHE) I find myself constantly handing out oral dams and condoms, repeatedly preaching the same messages of safer sex. While students are generally receptive to messages surrounding pregnancy prevention, resulting in just over half of students using condoms regularly, I’m often met with blank stares when I mention the use of barrier methods during oral sex (SHS). Over my years working as a PHE I’ve postulated various reasons for this discrepancy and I’ve narrowed it down to three theories: having a baby is scarier than having an STI, people don’t know what an oral dam is, and putting latex in your mouth may be incredibly unappealing. In an effort to discern where exactly the issue lies in encouraging safe oral sex, I created a survey for the WashU student body. As expected, only 2% of the over ninety respondents reported using barrier methods during oral sex, and their reasoning fell into the categories of my
three hypotheses. A small percentage of students said that they believed that STIs cannot be transmitted via oral sex. STIs most commonly transmitted via oral sex include herpes, gonorrhea, and syphilis, however all STIs can potentially be transmitted orally (FPA). While many STIs are curable or treatable, they are often asymptomatic. Those who have no symptoms understandably seek no treatment, and subsequently may suffer much more serious consequences such as infertility (from untreated chlamydia or gonorrhea), cervical, throat or liver cancer (from HPV, HBV), brain damage, or even death (from untreated syphilis or HIV). Granted, pregnancy is often imperative to prevent, but the sometimes irreversible health consequences of STIs should be similarly avoided. While many STIs are curable or treatable, they are often asymptomatic. But how? Well, the methods recommended for protection from STIs during oral sex are predominantly condoms and oral dams. While I won’t elaborate on condom usage, the graphic below gives details on proper usage. What about the ever-elusive oral dam? 14% of respondents reported not knowing what it is, and nearly 20% of respondents reported not knowing how to use one. An oral dam is a thin rectangular sheet of latex that is placed over the vulva or anus during oral-vulvar or oral-anal sex. For oral sex on a person with a vagina, a technique often recommended is to slide one end of the dam under the tailbone of the person receiving oral sex as they lay on their back and hold the other end right under their belly button. This hypothetically leads to the best experience because it leaves both hands of the ‘giver’ free to roam. One last logistical issue some respondents noted was that nobody has oral dams and people don’t know where to get them. Fun fact: oral dams can easily be made from condoms or non-microwavable plastic wrap! See plannedparenthood.org for instructions. Not into crafting? Oral dams are available for free in the Sumers Center Wellness Wing. While misunderstandings of STIs and lack of knowledge surrounding the use of dams were issues, by far the largest deterrent from using protection during oral sex was a decrease in pleasure. The issue of mood killing is compounded with the issues of decreased sensation and the taste of latex. 70% of respondents noted the “awkwardness” surrounding barrier methods and oral sex was enough to negate their use, and another 10% mentioned a decrease in sensitivity as a deterrent. I have always felt somewhat disingenuous in preaching the use of oral dams, considering I had never tried one myself due to those same concerns. Like some respondents, I am currently in a relationship where both my partner and I have been tested for STIs and have since chosen not to use barrier methods during oral sex. But, in the spirit of investigative journalism, I decided to test out the oral dam. But, in the spirit of investigative journalism, I decided to test out the oral dam. I grabbed one of the free dams from the Wellness Wing and texted my boyfriend to propose the experiment. Luckily, he was on board and so the issue of “awkwardness” was less of a factor. However, I will say that the packaging wasn’t easy to navigate. Between struggling with the plastic cover and fumbling to unfold the actual damn the process of unwrapping definitely put a damper on the ‘moment’. One important finding was that the dam was objectively too small for the method most commonly recommended and noted above. Attempting to maneuver it in this way required stretching the dam, which led to incomplete coverage. In fact, the packaging clearly instructs not to stretch the dam. So, while larger dams are available, if you’re using the giveaways from Student Health Services, a better method may be to have the ‘giver’ hold the dam in place to ensure proper coverage. And as for pleasure? This may have been the only redeeming quality of the oral dam – aside from the STI protection. The thinness of the latex allowed for pretty good sensation and it actually works as a nice layer of protection when dealing with hypersensitive spots (reminiscent of the towel method when using the Hitachi Magic Wand). The possibility of pleasure leaves me hopeful that if you were to practice working with an oral dam the same way people practice applying condoms, kinks could be worked out and their use could become more practical. Regardless of how awkward or unpleasant we may find barrier methods during oral sex, they remain the only method of preventing STI transmission. From my survey it was clear that the majority of respondents knew about the risks of STIs in the context of oral sex, and also knew about the specificities of barrier method usage, and yet still chose not to use them. So is there no hope for decreasing rates of transmission of STIs via oral sex? I would argue no. I believe that getting screened for STIs, and requesting your partner(s) do the same, is likely the most realistic defense mechanism. While asking a random hook up if they’ve been tested may seem uncomfortable, respondents thought that pulling out a barrier method would be even more awkward, and undoubtedly the least preferable is contacting them weeks later to tell them they gave you an STI. While safe oral sex is obviously the sexiest, here are some additional tips and tricks: ORAL SEX TIPS & TRICKS All quotations pulled from the same survey mentioned above. Disclaimer: The results of my survey were a great reminder that everybody is different and although there are trends, which I will present here, there is also huge variation in preference. For instance, answers ranging from: “when she uses teeth [on my penis]... oh that’s the best” to “teeth is always a no-no.” The best course of action is always open dialogue and proceeding with caution when trying something new that hasn’t been discussed. DO’s: If you're dealing with a penis:
If you're dealing with a vagina:
DON'T's If you're dealing with a penis:
If you're dealing with a vagina:
Other noteworthy Survey Responses to “Things you've had done to you - during oral sex - that made you go "Ooooooo" in a GOOD way”: PENIS
Other noteworthy Survey Responses to “Things you've had done to you - during oral sex - that made you go "Ooooooo" in a BAD way”: PENIS
WHERE TO GET TESTED
WORKS CITED
Graphic By Asia Brown
|