ABC's of KinkBY KAYLA SMITH
ILLUSTRATION BY ASHLEY TSAI DISCLAIMER: These activities should be done only with the utmost attention, care, and knowledge of all participants. No surprises!
A- AFTERCARE Aftercare is the “pick-me-up” after a kinky experience. A kink experience, including the rush of endorphins coupled with physical exertion can leave a person feeling weak, fatigued, or dazed – aftercare is the well-deserved TLC remedy! Examples include cuddling and kissing, giving/receiving massages or praise, taking a bath or shower together, discussing the scene, or just having some alone time. B- BONDAGE The B in BDSM! This is the practice of restraining a partner for erotic or aesthetic stimulation, and can be used to feel a temporary transfer of control and power in domination and submission. The restrained partner gets pleasure from feeling helpless and immobile, and the active partner derives satisfaction from seeing their partner tied up and taking on a dominant role. Some like to be bonded in public at conventions, and others love to participate in bondage as an art such as shibari. You can use someone else’s hands, handcuffs, rope, tape, scarves, etc. "There’s no special vocabulary you need to learn in order to practice consent." C- CONSENT YES, YES, YES! Saying “yes, yes please, yes Sir or Madam, keep going,” is not just sexy; it’s essential. Consent is all about communication; it works in the exact, same way in the kink world as it does in the vanilla world. There’s no special vocabulary you need to learn in order to practice consent. Letting your partner know what you like and what you don’t like is important and crucial to the success of a scene and your overall pleasure! D- DOMINATION/DISCIPLINE The Ds of BDSM! Domination and Discipline go hand in hand. Doms are the controllers and decision-makers of a consensual power exchange. They have, take, or receive power from their Sub in order to control or discipline them for pleasure. Doms act confident and can be intimidating, but they can also be caring and nurturing. They respect their Subs’ limits and should never do anything without the Subs consent. The secret to domination? The Subs are actually in charge ;). E- ELECTRIC PLAY Electric Play uses electricity on the body to create different sensations. Common electrical toys include neon/violet wands and TENS units. Neon and violet wands use static electricity to create a "shocking" feeling on the skin. TENS units work with the electricity of our bodies to cause involuntary muscular contractions. Don’t worry, you won’t fry your naughty bits off; this can be as painless as you want it to be. "The majority of people have a fetish." F- FETISHISM Fetishes are intense sexual fixations on usually unsensual objects, body parts, or situations. Some people may not even be able to become sexually aroused or climax without their fetish! The majority of people have a fetish, whether they know it or not. Some of the most common fetishes involve boobs, booty, hair, spanking, feet, leather, muscles, and underwear. Others include urine, insects, amputees, dolls, and furries! G- GAGGING Gags are often used to make a submissive more helpless and/or as a form of punishment or humiliation in a scene. Common gags include a ball (wiffle or solid) gag, bit gags, cleave gags, forniphilic gags, and many, many more. Make sure not to cover the nose of the gagged person, find a way to maintain consent (hand signals, eye signals, grunts), and pick a gag that’s not too tight. Remember, safety first! H- HUMILIATION Erotic humiliation involves consensually shaming a person during a sexual act, either verbally or physically. Although it may seem harsh, erotic humiliation can be a great source of pleasure for some and is often used in BDSM play scenes. This includes using degrading names, mockery, wearing collars, and forceful acts of compliance. I- IMPACT PLAY It’s pretty self-explanatory; impact play refers to any kind of activity involving hitting someone with something. It includes spanking, slapping, pinching, caning, flogging, paddling, punching, and more. A “stinging” sensation is usually produced by a fast blow by a thinner, harder, or lower mass impact material like whips and canes. A “thud” sensation is felt deeper into the muscle resulting from a slower, heavier, or softer object like floggers and even fists. J- JELLY Are you ready for this jelly? Yes? Jelly is a blend of PVC and rubber used to make sex toys, including vibrators and dildos. Yes, people use them in kink too! It's a popular sex toy material because it's inexpensive and able to be formed into virtually any shape. It gets its name for its soft texture and feel. Jelly toys should only be used with water or silicone-based lubricants and should be cleaned thoroughly. K- KNIFE PLAY Knife play involves blades to produce fear and excitement. The blade is usually used to cut away clothes or involves sensation play (scratching the skin) or temperature play (making the blade hot or cold). L- LIMITS You must have limits or you’ll have limitations. And I’m putting that lightly. Limits are issues that participants feel strongly opposed to, which are usually activities that they don’t want to participate in. These are usually established before play in a discussion which includes talking about safewords (code words or signals to stop playing). It also includes flexible and negotiable “soft” limits, out-of-the-question “hard” limits, requirement/must expectations, and time limits. Limits ensure the satisfaction and respect of every player. M- MASOCHISM The M of BDSM! Masochism refers to sexual stimulation of pain and discomfort. Masochists can enjoy physical pain such as being flogged, spanked, whipped, caned, etc. Some also enjoy emotional pain such as being humiliated or insulted. Think you can take it? N- NIPPLE STIMULATION Nipple stimulation involves touching, rubbing, biting, kissing, sucking, or licking of the nipples or the areola for pleasure. Females usually get more pleasure from this type of stimulation than males, and a chosen few can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. Individuals with larger breasts may require longer or harder touching, because they tend to have less overall sensitivity. But regardless of any size (all breasts are beautiful!), start slow and gradually work your way up. O- OBJECTUM SEXUALITY Objectum Sexuality is a sexual attraction to and/or relationship with an inanimate object. This fetish is not limited to strictly sexual activities; people with objectum sexuality can also have strong feelings of attachment or romantic love for an object. They may name it and even consider it their spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend or significant other. P- PLAY PARTIES “Playing” is participating in a kink scene or activity. Play parties are areas for participants to mingle and get involved in BDSM play. It can also be a “Dungeon Space” that has different rooms and sections for different types of play. Some bring their own toys ranging in size depending on the Play Party area’s rules. There’s usually a dungeon master/monitor that overlooks everything and keeps good vibes flowing! Q- QUEENING Queening involves a Dominant female sitting over a Submissive partner's face – a queen sitting on her throne, get it? This practice is common in FemDom (Female Dominant) relationships, and can be used by a woman to assert her dominance or humiliate her Submissive. It can also be used for sexual satisfaction, and is a relatively easy kinky practice, so ladies can always have a throne at their disposal! "Establishing boundaries is a must." R- RACK – “RISK-AWARE, CONSENSUAL KINK” Risk-Aware means ensuring everyone involved is fully aware of the risks in any given kinky activity. Consent (Yes, there's that word again) is a word I cannot stress enough. Have you discussed what you want to do together? Do you know the safe word? Is the play within your limits? And ALL OF THIS applies no matter the circumstance. One person’s kink may be another person’s vanilla, so establishing boundaries is a must. S- SUBMISSION/SADISM The S’s of BDSM! Sadism is enjoying inflicting pain upon, humiliating, degrading, or watching others inflict these behaviors on another person. Many healthy individuals enjoy elements of sadism in their sex lives. Sadists may enjoy spanking their partners, playing with whips or floggers, or dressing their partners in humiliating costumes, for example. HINT: Not all dominants are sadists! Submission refers to the individuals who surrender control of their body and behavior to another for sexual pleasure and are usually controlled by a Dominant. HINT: Not all dominants are sadists! T- TOPSPACE Topspace is the counterpart to subspace. They are both states of mind referring to a blissed-out, other-worldly place tops (topspace) and bottoms (subspace) can go during heavy play. Top/subspace, also referred to as “flying,” or “floating,” is usually a combination of endorphins and adrenaline that, in the right mix, have an almost drug-like effect. You can have a pain tolerance that increases, an all-powerful euphoria, and a desire to keep playing forever in one sitting. U- UNIFORMS Police officer, superhero, nurse, sailor, storm trooper; you can be anything you desire! Clothing enhances role playing and allows participating parties to really get into the scene. It can create a realistic performance and an ambience that can lead to amazing sex. V- VANILLA Vanilla consists of activities, behaviors, and people who are not part of the kink scene. In general, vanilla sex takes place between two people in a bed and involves no toys, props, costumes, or additional people. Despite its negative connotation, vanilla sex can be sensual, romantic, and emotional, so don’t completely knock it! W- WATERSPORTS This involves a certain kind of liquid that participants use for sexual pleasure. Its normal color is yellow. No, it’s not lemonade. Or Pine-sol. Definitely doesn’t smell like it... I’ll leave that up to your interpretation. X- X-FRAME A common piece of equipment in BDSM dungeons. It has restraining points for ankles, wrists, and waist. When secured to an X-Frame, the subject is restrained in a spreadeagle position. It’s typically used for sexual teasing and whipping. Go for it, if you’re bold! Y- YOUR KINK IS NOT MY KINK (YKINMK) A phrase used in the kink community to show respect for someone else's kink while simultaneously respecting one’s own desires and limits. It’s meant to maintain the community's openness and acceptance of the variety of kinks. What an empowering community! Z- ZIPPER SEX Zipper Sex does not entail taking off one's clothes. This form of sex just needs an unzipped zipper. It’s really spontaneous and fast, which can make sex exciting, gratifying, and a change of pace from having sex on a bed. |